Run! Run Away!

5 signs you’re dating a Reddit troll


3) “Which amendment in the Bill of Rights do you think is the most important?”

This is a fun question that every couple should ask each other just to build intimacy and to prepare to compete on game shows in the constitutional originalist dystopian future of my nightmares. Here’s a legend for his potential responses to let you know what they might mean in terms of his potential for trolldom:

Tenth: Your man is passionate about states’ rights. Racists and homophobes love states’ rights. Be afraid.  

Ninth: Your man picked the foundation for Roe v. Wade. Good egg!

Eighth: No “cruel and unusual punishment” for your guy! It’s unlikely that he’d be cruel to strangers.

Seventh, Sixth, Fifth, or Fourth: He’s really into criminal justice but probably not a troll. Breathe a sigh of relief.

Third: If he picks an amendment this useless, you should just dump him anyway even if he’s not a troll.

Second: Run. Seriously, just run! Your man might not be an asshole to people on the Internet because he’s too busy being an open-carrying asshole in real life.

First: This could be a huge warning sign. Trolls cite the First Amendment as frequently as college application essays cite “The Road Not Taken.” They think that it gives them the right to verbally harass, stalk, and threaten whomever they want without any consequences. If your man picks the First Amendment, just ask him to explain what it means. If he thinks it means that “it’s a free country” and “people can say whatever they want,” tell him to go back to the playground he learned his politics from and find a new boyfriend.

Via Glenn Reynolds, where I found the comment of the day:

Instapundit » Blog Archive » ADVICE FROM THE GENDER STUDIES PROFESSORIATE: If Your Boyfriend Likes the First Amendment, Be Caref…

If your girlfriend takes gender studies, get a new girlfriend.
Good advice.

About Bill Quick

I am a small-l libertarian. My primary concern is to increase individual liberty as much as possible in the face of statist efforts to restrict it from both the right and the left. If I had to sum up my beliefs as concisely as possible, I would say, "Stay out of my wallet and my bedroom," "your liberty stops at my nose," and "don't tread on me." I will believe that things are taking a turn for the better in America when married gays are able to, and do, maintain large arsenals of automatic weapons, and tax collectors are, and do, not.

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