It is just that I live by the Millennial Code, which can be summarized in the brief phrase: “If it mattered, he’d have texted.”
The New York Times has picked up on this trend (unlike Millennials, who never pick up anything ever, especially if that thing is a phone, am I right, Newspaper Subscribers?) and wrote about it last week. Among the facts they cited: Voice mails among the general population are down by 8 percent from October of last year to April, and overall, everyone sends something like 60 texts per day instead, and nobody makes land-line calls anymore. I could have told you that!
But I don’t think this is a terrible development.
A phone is not for making calls.
Phones are actually devices that you use to avoid talking to people, and anyone who thinks otherwise is surely older than 30.
Look at your smartphone. This slim, elegant screen can transport you instantly to the Internet, show you videos of all kinds, allow you to play complex and time-wasting games, send detailed e-mails and even provide you with robotic companionship. (“Siri, what are you wearing?”) Why on earth would you waste all this bounty on a phone call?
Yep. I have some amount of voice minutes on my phone plan, but I have no idea what it is. It includes “rollover,” so, given that I average about six minutes a month making actual phone calls – (Costco – “What aisle are you in? Bye) – I probably have more than enough minutes by now to cover my voice calls for the rest of my life.
I delete my voice mails unexamined and unanswered.
I text. Not a lot, but when usinig the phone as a communications instrument, this is my go-to method.
I call my sister on her landline from my landline at home, for those breezy, rambling weekly family chats.
Other than that, I use my phone to browse the web, read books, watch movies, watch tv shows, look up stuff, calculate, make notes to myself, take pictures, send pictures to people, deal with social media, and a dozen other things that aren’t, you know, telephone calls.
Which is why I find those goat-bearded, hipster douchebag poseur Apple fanbois who are so appalled by big phones to be so ludicrous. “You look so silly putting one of those up against your head,” they shriek hysterically.
I don’t put my phone up against my head. You do that to make phone calls, and I don’t make phone calls.
Which is why my current “phone” has a seven inch screen and bluetooth 4.0. Works just fine for the few minutes a month I actually use it to talk to somebody, but works even better for all of the stuff I really have it for.