Escape From New York
Bill Quick

Farewell to NYC » Cold Fury

“I always had this perverted sense of pride because I was managing to scrape by here,” said Brooklyn resident Andrew McQuade, who, after watching two subway rats gnawing on a third bloody rat carcass, finally determined that New York City was a giant sprawling cancer. “Well, fuck that. I don’t need to pay $2,000 a month to share a doghouse-sized apartment with some random Craigslist dipshit to prove my worth. I want to live like a goddamn human being.”

…When fleeing New Yorkers were asked if they would miss the city’s iconic landmarks, most responded that Central Park is just a pathetic excuse for experiencing actual nature, that the Brooklyn Bridge is great but it’s just a fucking bridge, that nobody goes to the Met anyway, and that living in a dingy, grime-caked apartment while exhaust fumes from an idling truck seep through your bedroom window isn’t worth slightly bigger bagels.

One begins to suspect that the writer lives in NYC, that he or she has finally had it hit ‘em in the face that the primary benefit of living there is being able to brag to non-New Yorkers about living in New York…and that he or she will most likely be leaving soon.

This is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Here’s another taste:

8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

Before departing by private helicopter, Mayor Michael Bloomberg spoke with members of the media to address the situation.

“You know what the greatest city in the world is?” Bloomberg asked reporters. “Scottsdale, Arizona. It’s clean, it’s not too big, it’s got a couple streets with shops and restaurants, and the people there aren’t fucking insane. This place is fucking insane. And by the way, that’s not a reason to like it. Anyone who says that is a delusional dirtbag.”

Read Mike’s commentary (he knows from personal experience) and then read all the way to the end of the cite for the perfect twist.

Bill Quick

About Bill Quick

I am a small-l libertarian. My primary concern is to increase individual liberty as much as possible in the face of statist efforts to restrict it from both the right and the left. If I had to sum up my beliefs as concisely as possible, I would say, "Stay out of my wallet and my bedroom," "your liberty stops at my nose," and "don't tread on me." I will believe that things are taking a turn for the better in America when married gays are able to, and do, maintain large arsenals of automatic weapons, and tax collectors are, and do, not.

Comments

Escape From New York — 12 Comments

  1. I just relocated from Northern NJ (Greater NYC Metro) to South Florida. The weather is better, the people are much nicer, the cost of living is lower, and the firearms nannies have been losing legislative fights here for decades.

    Not to threadjack, but any suggestions for a good first handgun would be welcome. ;-)

    • I’d second the motion from Bill – deciding on a personal handgun, especially for the first one, is very much – heh! – a “personal” decision in every sense of the word.

       

      Just to put in my own $0.02-worth, though – should you decide to go with a 9 mm. (9 mm Luger caliber, nowadays about the commonest handgun cartridge in the world), you could do worse than the products put out by this company in Daytona Beach, FL – the name of the company is pronounced “Sky”, apparently. Their pistols are apparently entirely Made In U.S.A. – right there in FL – made from a combination of polymer (grip and lower frame) and aluminum (remainder of frame), with a stainless- or black-finished steel slide, compact and with easy take-down, and fairly inexpensive as modern-made semi-auto handguns go these days.

       

      Full Disclaimer: I have no connection with the company, nor have I received anything in order to mention it or its proiducts – so, up yours, FCC and the rest of FedGov. Hey, I haven’t even held or shot one of their guns – I only know about them by reference from a friend who does own and shoot one.

       

      Although I think I will likely get one for my next handgun purchase…as always, YMMV…

  2. My web browser keeps displaying a distracting ad for Tynon with a caricature of a nearly topless woman whose face reminds me of Olivia Grant. If I can be bothered like this by a stupid cartoon, what chance do I have against the vast, evil, female conspiracy?

    • Regardless of cartoons, YKW, very few of us muddlin’-along male creatures have much of a chance at all against that particular conspiracy -

       

      Although there are notable exceptions, and SteveF may be one such. – just sayin’

  3. The power of the boobs compels you!

    I wasn’t at all distracted by the ad except for seeing motion. Choose the reason which is funniest and/or most disturbing:
    - After two crappy marriages I’ve given up on women and am turning to men.
    - Ditto, except I’m turning to livestock
    - Ditto, except I’m turning to barely-pubescent girls
    - I’m old and broken down and no longer have a sex drive
    - My self-control is something most people can only dream of

  4. “Choose the reason which is funniest and/or most disturbing:”

    I’ve analyzed it now and will give you what I think is the most likely reason. I am sorry, but I cannot choose one of those reasons.

    It is because you did not recognize anyone in the ad.

    Even the caricature was not really attractive, the lips reminded me of someone. After a while, I realized it was Olivia Grant, who is not nearly so well endowed and is only of average attraction. When I recognized who I was reminded of, and only then, the boob power became compelling.

    I am ashamed, but I will not play the game. If the real Olivia Grant, dressed like that, and with a body like that, knocked on my door, she’d probably be able to get me to play.